“You have little time left, and none of it for crap.” – Don Juan Matus (from Carlos Castaneda books)
This quote has been ringing in my ears for the past several days.. I found out recently that my dear soul sister has decided to stop her treatment and give in to the experience that decision might bring, including signing off from this plane.
As you might know, reading this website, we all attract into our reality things we want to learn from, and things we want to experience. Her chosen path has been rocky for a while now concerning her health, but right now… it is majestic and magnificent and exciting and hard and horrible and intense and rumbling and floaty and so full of love, as I told her in our latest correspondence. She has chosen to be the example of unconditional love while she is still on this physical plane, and while the rest of us can be empathic, supportive and loving, it really is her own journey to take. And what I experience from it is my own, so that is what I will write about.
Just today, I have learnt that a colleague who was working next to me in another agency had abruptly died from heart attack. We had daily bonding, talking about our lives during our smoke/vape breaks, and she has helped me a lot with my travel documents and was a very loving and kind person. She died the morning after my departure to Norway a few months ago. I was crushed when I found out. Not only that, she was working on the left side of my desk, and on the right side, another person had died, that I learnt about just after that. A 39 year old woman, taken by a galloping leukemia as sudden as that heart attack was.
What this made me look at is what matters. When we have the idea of death in our thoughts, we have a choice how to look at it. We mourn, we get scared, we regret, we miss people, but ultimately, we can wake up to the fact that none of daily worries and plans matter in the face of death. Now is the only time we have, and our actions and love are the only thing that counts, the only thing we leave behind. If we were to die tomorrow, what would really matter right NOW? Would we die happy knowing we expressed ourselves fully and shared our love with the world? And if a person dear to us died tomorrow, what would matter NOW? All the petty disagreements and tiny flaws we find in them, or the way they made our lives rich by their presence? Would the persona matter more than what makes that heart inside them beat? Surely not. So why are we all not living like this?
That is my contemplation. There is absolutely no excuse in the face of death for time wasting and waiting for an imagined perfect moment to finally be ourselves.. And while I am saying nothing new here, nothing that countless philosophers, writers and poets haven’t already wrote about, I implore you to think about it. What matters for you? Is it teaching your children about love? Is it finishing that book you are writing? Is it telling someone how much you love them for the first time?
Who would you be if you were to die tomorrow? THAT is the real you. And that is your clue. Don’t be afraid of it, embrace it.